I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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