get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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