Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
