i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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