i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What drink are we having for lunch?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
