I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize