Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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