He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My ass is underappreciated
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
