I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm passing your future prison.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
