I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
