No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
