Don't make out with my wife yet
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
