What a fucking waste of an outfit
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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