LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
