Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
