2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I AM VODKA MAN
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
