i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
