alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
