the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
