You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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