Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
