Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
