Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
