my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
