You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
