I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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