At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize