walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
