Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
