i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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