If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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