Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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