you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
