we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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