he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm at about main and main street
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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