Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
