and you said cock pushups were impossible
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
