you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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