he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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