After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
