I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
