i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
