Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
