this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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