u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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