I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
