hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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