your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
