i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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