I wish I could teleport
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
