i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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