Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
