omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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