Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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