Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
