If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
