is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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