Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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