I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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