Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
