Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Acid is not a monday night drug
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
