Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
