How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
