My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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