making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
