um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
