we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
