I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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