I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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