Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
