We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I love you. Go after that dick
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
