Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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