Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
