her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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