i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
