time to smoke my breakfast
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
