i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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