Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
