Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
