She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dear god my vagina.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
