Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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