I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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