butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
