I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I AM VODKA MAN
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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