Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The beer is more important than you right now.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
