im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
