On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
