friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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