The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
