you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
