Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
